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A Dragon's Tale
by Lord Andrew MacRobb
We all know the stories and hold them most dear,
Of maidens and dragons and knights without peer,
Of swordplay and magic and causes most just,
Of stouthearted nobles who love without lust.
But dear lords and ladies, I must now confess,
When I tell a story, I strive for success,
And tales of great love that is left unrequited,
Will leave this poor bard from your hearth uninvited.
So my tale has a maiden of beauty divine,
A huge flying lizard with scales down his spine,
A knight of great prowess, a cause that is just,
Some magic and swordplay, and a touch of lust.
On a destrier gray, the steed of a knight,
( Which a non-horseman's eyes would always call white, )
Rode a figure in armor, tall noble and strong,
( If you think, "Here's our hero," I'll tell you, you're wrong. )
The rider's our heroine, bold, brave, and true,
A warrior maiden with blood that is blue,
And filled with great virtue, and out on a quest,
To find a great dragon and put it to rest.
There was a great wizard by name of McTrew,
Who gave her a sword and a shield that glowed blue;
He told of a dragon in Kingdom of Gyre,
And said that this worm would soon fill her desire.
And so she rode off for to slay this great drake,
But soon she discovered, in armor, she'd bake,
And so she stripped down by the side of a pool,
And jumped in the water to try to get cool.
At the edge of the pond, behind a waterfall,
Two beady eyes watched as she revealed her all,
From the side of a great toothy mouth, spittle flowed,
In the depth of that great dragon's chest, fire glowed.
At the side of the pool then, the bushes were rent,
And out stepped a warrior known as Sir Pent,
Who saw here a chance for to try out his lance,
Not the one on his horse, but the one in his pants.
He doffed off his armor and revealed his tool,
Our maiden then screamed and swam deep in the pool,
He dove in the water intent on her rape,
Our maid screamed in horror, was there no escape?
When from waterfall came a steaming express,
A dragon to rescue our maid in distress,
Up out from the water, a drake, wings displayed,
Who placed himself there twixt the knight and the maid.
A blast from his throat of draconian fire,
Made evil Sir Pent to forget his desire,
And swam back to the bank where his black armor lay,
His lusts to be sated on some other day.
But when he had fastened his last belt and clasp,
And mounted his horse, he gave out a gasp,
For there on a white destrier was a knight,
With a glowing blue sword bared and ready to fight.
He lowered his lance and spurred on his steed,
And flipped down his visor, intent on his deed;
Off glowing blue shield, his point it did glance,
A blue sword swept down and severed his lance.
He drew out a new weapon, a great mace and chain,
And turned at his foe, intent to cause pain,
As his weapon spun round, it glowed evil red,
And both knew that one of them soon would lie dead.
An hour or more they clanged and they bashed,
And then, one more time, together they crashed,
When Pent saw a chance for a foul evil deed,
And with a great blow, he slew her fine steed.
Now the maid is on foot, while Pent is on horse,
For she was the knight who had faced him, of course ),
She stepped back from the carcess, and tears filled the eyes,
That glared out in hatred at one she despised.
When out from the woods came the same scaly shape,
What scant minutes before had once saved her from rape,
And with a great swipe of his tail at Sir Pent,
From his horse to the ground was that foul knight soon rent.
As that black knight arose and his steed it ran off,
The dragon spoke out in a voice harsh and gruff,
"Now I will stand back for to let you two fight,
But twice has this drake saved this maid from this knight."
On foot they now fought, blue sword and red mace,
A maiden of virtue, a knight of disgrace,
While off on the sidelines a dragon did sit,
Watching the two as they blocked or they hit.
By heat were they weakened, but still the two fought,
Until, by the side of the pond she was caught,
And as she stepped back she slipped off the edge,
And she tumbled down off that steep earthen ledge.
Pent cried out in victory, and jumped down to gain,
His death dealing blow causing ultimate pain,
But as he jumped down, she raised up her sword,
And up through his crotch, was that great villian gored.
His blood stained the waters, his body lie still,
The maiden looked down at this man, her first kill,
She took off her helm and she let down her hair,
Looked up at the dragon and cried in dispair.
"Oh, dragon I came to this land thee to slay,
Yet, twice did you save me on this single day,"
"Fair maid woulds't thou slay me; what harm have I done?
I eat nought but fishes; I have hurt no one."
"I swore on my oath that a dragon I'd slay,
Yet, I cannot harm him who saved me this day,
Oh, woe is me, for my vow I can't keep,
I must return home to face my penance deep."
But as she rode back, word spread of her deed,
For she rode on the back of a great winged steed,
With a tear in her eye she was met by McTrew,
And handed, hilt first, back the sword that glowed blue.
"I fear my lord wizard, I've failed in my quest,
The Dragon of Gyre is here as my guest,
I could never slay this one that I call friend,
To the day that I die, his life I'll defend."
McTrew said, "Nay maiden, you have done quite well,
This great scaly lizard is under a spell,
As for slaying a dragon, a worm or a drake,
Would any deny that Sir Pent was a snake?"
McTrew cried out words that made maiden ears wince,
And there, where the dragon was, now stood a prince;
She shrieked in surprise as behind bush he hid,
For a drake needs no clothing, this handsome prince did.
Ignoring his nakedness, she kissed him there,
And ran her soft fingers through his fine hair,
The young man just stood there and shivered and prayed,
That a knight would come by to save dragon from maid!
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